WTF Dude. Seriously, WTF.
Let me give a little prologue to this tale by saying that I have a portfolio of my bookbinding and conservation work due at the place where I would like to attend graduate school. It has to be there by Monday morning otherwise, like Jimmy Carter, peace I'm outta here. This is all to say that I have been more than a little busy and more than a little stressed.
At 1:30 last night, I finished typing my final critique, and I go to print it out. No paper. No fucking paper in the entire house. You sort of have to know my house to know that this actually does not surprise me. Piss me off, yes. Stress me out, yes. Surprise me, shit no. Fuck it, I was going to go to the 'rents house so that the Mother could drop it off at UPS in the morning. Now I will just have to wake her up to print up a few pages. She loves me; she can deal.
So I head out to my car in the freezing cold. Lucky for me it snowed all morning, then melted, blew around in the breeze, and refroze to my car when the temperature dropped like it was hot. Sweet. Pull out the old ice scraper and go at. After five minutes, enough of the ice has been cleared off to see fine. Not one hundred percent, but like 85. I get in and pull out behind a cop car that just drove by. I go to turn left at the next light, but the po-po has pulled into the turning lane and stopped. Cool, I just go around him and make the wide turn.
Bang, flashing lights fill my mirror. Excuse me? I just turned left on green?
He pulls up next to me, and I see he not even the cops, he's uniformed fucking secret service. I try to roll down my window. Its frozen shut. I open my door.
Pig: Do you have an ice scraper in the car?
F: Yes. I just used it to scrape the ice off of my car.
Pig: Well, you had better pull it out again.
F: Excuse me?
Pig: If you don't I am going to issue you two tickets for obstructed views.
F: Um, okay.
Pig: Consider yourself warned.
WTF dude, WTF.
I get out of my car and the douche bag drives off. I scrape off my windshield again. In the motherfucking freezing cold. I was thinking though, two tickets? That's right, one for the front windshield and one for the back windshield.
At least he didn't give me a ticket. The fucker.
At 1:30 last night, I finished typing my final critique, and I go to print it out. No paper. No fucking paper in the entire house. You sort of have to know my house to know that this actually does not surprise me. Piss me off, yes. Stress me out, yes. Surprise me, shit no. Fuck it, I was going to go to the 'rents house so that the Mother could drop it off at UPS in the morning. Now I will just have to wake her up to print up a few pages. She loves me; she can deal.
So I head out to my car in the freezing cold. Lucky for me it snowed all morning, then melted, blew around in the breeze, and refroze to my car when the temperature dropped like it was hot. Sweet. Pull out the old ice scraper and go at. After five minutes, enough of the ice has been cleared off to see fine. Not one hundred percent, but like 85. I get in and pull out behind a cop car that just drove by. I go to turn left at the next light, but the po-po has pulled into the turning lane and stopped. Cool, I just go around him and make the wide turn.
Bang, flashing lights fill my mirror. Excuse me? I just turned left on green?
He pulls up next to me, and I see he not even the cops, he's uniformed fucking secret service. I try to roll down my window. Its frozen shut. I open my door.
Pig: Do you have an ice scraper in the car?
F: Yes. I just used it to scrape the ice off of my car.
Pig: Well, you had better pull it out again.
F: Excuse me?
Pig: If you don't I am going to issue you two tickets for obstructed views.
F: Um, okay.
Pig: Consider yourself warned.
WTF dude, WTF.
I get out of my car and the douche bag drives off. I scrape off my windshield again. In the motherfucking freezing cold. I was thinking though, two tickets? That's right, one for the front windshield and one for the back windshield.
At least he didn't give me a ticket. The fucker.
posted by Fletch at
8:52 AM
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