Columbia Heights Journal

You know that gentrification is not complete when:

1. You get excited to discover where the guy who walks past your house and wakes you up every morning with his Tourettes-esque shouting lives. (13th and Harvard)

2. You drive the minivan around the block to find a legal parking space and the crazy woman with her brown-bagged can becomes amazed at your "magic."

Crazy: How'd ya do dat?
DCaf: What?
C: Pull up in that minivan? I saw you get in your truck, and now you come 'round the corner in dat thing. Its the same color, but your truck looked liked dat one. (Points to a beat up pick-up)
DCaf: Umm, sorry, same van.
C: Don't try pullin' my leg child. I know what I saw. That's a nice trick. (Takes a big pull from the bag and saunters down the street)

3. You bring a bottle of tequila over to a friends house and get accosted by a woman who really wants a drink. She tells you its her birthday and asks if you want to celebrate with her. Then she gives your balls a little rub before walking off, saying "Next time honey, next time."