Lard-ass alert! Free Krispy Kremes.

For all of you Dupont Circle wage-slaves who aren't on a diet to spare my eyes at the beach this summer, tomorrow is your lucky day. Krispy Kreme has declared Friday, June 3rd "Doughnut Day." They will be giving away doughnuts at all of their locations so that you can add pounds to your ass and thighs while becoming addicted to their warm sugary love cakes.

Be warned though, that the Dupont location plays a cheap hoax on you by importing pre-fried doughnuts that are only given a lukewarm coating of glaze. Head to a full service store, like the one in Alexandria, to experience a truly fresh doughnut. Remember, one free doughnut per customer, but chances are that by the time you wait in line, there will be a different server to give you another free doughnut. Bring your desk chair so as not to waste precious calories standing!