Long weekend in "the city"

The Bithday Girl!

1. You don't need to hit holiday traffic over the long weekend. You just need to drive late at night when all the families have collapsed in bed.

2. No one from the city of New York should be allowed to drive. Ever. On the BQE, I witnessed some come in on the on-ramp and proceed to take a left across four lanes of trafic. Perpendicular. Yeah, now I can die fulfilled.

3. If someone put a gun to my head and forced me to live in NYC, I would live in Brooklyn. Hands down. Nice houses, all the conveinences, no tourists, no concrete canyons.

4. Moving out sucks.

Richard Dawkins, arrogant prick and very smart evolutionary scientist

More than a little touched with hubris, Richard Dawkins strayed too far with his idea of The Selfish Gene, encouraging even historians to impregnate their studies with his unhelpful concept of historical evolution. But when he stays focused on science, he can be devastating. Creationism: God's gift to the ignorant is an example of this man's abilities. Christians in Kansas beware, daring-do Dawkins is on the case.

Greasing the nuts

Hopefully, Hatchetman Tom will still be around violating Texas ethics laws when I get down to Austin. Who knows, perhaps someone down there can teach me the all the tricks to convince corporations to illegally funnel money into my evil schemes of world domination. Or perhaps everyone that Tom Delay knows will eventually be sent to jail, and then I'll be able to find a cheap, convenient place to live in Texas.

Hook 'em Horns

It finally hit me as to why people have been googling my name. No, I don't think that my mother finally learned how to harness the powers of the internet for evil. I think that Marlan and some Texas-Exes are to blame. So welcome. I am now shamed. I completely blame Wyatt for this.

Since telling you to stop here, return to your google search page, and look at all of the other wonderful hits that I have probably won't work, let me at least let you cut through all of the blah entries about food and socializing. Here's the cheat sheet of what's interesting:

Columbia Heights, Making Waves
The Gates. Blah.
Metro Follies!
I am reading trash. Part I and Part II

Really though, if I get judged on this spew, I am going to be mighty mad. Of course, I have no one but a boy from South Dakota to blame.

Wednesday Wings, or why I learned to stop worrying and eat the grease

Wednesday night wings at Hard Times Cafe. I knew that they had chili, but 35-cent (its the new 25-cent) wing night? And $1.50 High-Lifes? I dropped $10 on wings, beer, and sweet tea, and my stomach is still full.

Shit. Wyatt and Don, I blame you for not inviting me before. Or alternately, not being there the one time I did decide to show.

Busy Day Post

Thanks to Bluestate for some wonderful tunes last night. If you missed it, well, you missed it. We even found some time to debate the merits of AP style vs. NY Times style re: usage of the ubiquitous apostrophe to form the plural of acronyms. Real gripping stuff.

And more Saint-Ex. food reviewing, after last night, I can say with authority that the $9 burger is well worth it. Tender and juicy, with a heaping side of battered fries. Mmmmmmmmmmmm...

Music seen

1. Soltero is coming to DC on Thursday! Well College Park actually, but close enough. Who is Soltero, you ask? Tim Howard. That's who. He's a singer/song-writer and you should check out his tunes, here. Check out "Communist Love Song" and "Poughkeepsie's Always Proud" off of Science Will Figure You Out. Then come to the show on Thursday.

2. Bluestate's tonight. I'll be rockin' out and eating a late dinner, so drop and say hi. I'll be in a green tee. Not dancing. Word.

...And someone just got here by Googling my name

Speak up, before I get scared. I don't know how that happened, but it makes me a little uncomfortable.

Nuts in a silver bowl

Last night, I had the opportunity to dine at the Cosmos Club with a good family friend. No, I am not yet one of Washington's intellectual elite (wait, you mean blogs don't count?), but after last night, I hope that I can hurry along my resume-building so that I can be nominated before I'm too stodgy to get a kick out of it.

The magnificent Beaux-Arts mansion at the corner of Massachusetts and Florida seems to be the perfect setting for this club. The interior is filled with lots of wood paneling and marble columns, just as any elite club should. Its funny, for a club that is so elite, it really doesn't have a snooty atmosphere. The staff were all very nice, and most of them knew my hostess well. When we sat in the barroom, they brought out bowl of nuts (Fancy ones, like macadamia and pecans. No simple peanuts here!) and some odd cheese dip. Dinner in the main dining room was excellent, as always. The menu was what you would expect from an old club, steak, lamb, salmon, crab cakes..., but there were a few modern touches: a Thai peanut sauce with the trout, a selection of "heart healthy" dishes, and a number of entree salads.

The whole time we were eating, I half expected Kelly Ann Collins to stroll in wearing a little black number, but then I remembered its only the intellectual elite. Of course, gentleman, if you are ever invited to the Cosmos Club, remember, jacket and tie are required.

Weekend Edition: Fingered and Blue Ridge

1. It finally happened. I was at a BBQ on Sunday evening and one of the housemates that I don't really know came up to me and told me that she had started reading my blog. Weird. It was nice to hear that other people beyond the small ring of my friends find my ramblings interesting. But it was also just weird in a way that I'm sure many bloggers understand. So Liz, if you found your way on the internet today, I tip my hat to you. You had me laughing all the way through our chat. And I'll see if I can find you a new job. But what do you do?

2. After Noah's flood on Friday, the GF and I hopped out of town to hike Old Rag Mountain. If you've been there, you know how beautiful it can be on a nice day. If you haven't had the chance yet, find a car and drive out there. The rock scramble can't be beat and neither can the views of the Shenandoah and the horse country. Word of advice is to get there early, the parking lot fills up and the trail gets busy with families and youth groups looking for a thrill.

3. Finally made it to Saint-Ex. for dinner. Food was great, fancier than I expected. Although, I guess after two years, I probably should have checked out the menu at some point. I had the swordfish, and the GF had the salmon, as we tried to figure out who the clientele were, because really, who's going to travel to 14th st. for a pricey dinner? The consensus was the Logan Circle/U St. yuppie crowd. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I hope to join them one day, but until then...

4. Shopping at H&M. Why don't I buy cheap European styles more frequently? Oh, that's right, because I don't have a budget for clothes. That and their sizing makes me feel like a fat ass. All my life, I've been a 32 regular. Went in to try on some pants and I can't even button the damn things. 34 regular it is. They still make me look good though. Damn good. I almost felt like hitting on the G-town girls, but then I overheard them, like, talking to each other about their new highlights, and I remembered why I hate the GT.

Unstoppable boredom

Just put up some more reading material on the right. I put up the first four, and then wondered why the blogs that I've recently started reading have all been authored by women. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I added Yglesias just to make myself feel more comfortable.

Pushing the Man

I hate to send folks over to the evil corporation of Nike, but Information Leafblower got a design into the blogger-sneaker competition they hvae going on. After you vote for his design, you can try your hand at making your own sneakers.* Go on now, you can vote for him once a day for the next couple of week.


*Jake did up his feet online a month ago. So far he hasn't complained about his shoes, and they look pretty good for something designed by a paralegal. Of course you might have to know Jake's tastes a little better to judge.

Ga-ga for Google

I don't really do technology like some people do technology. For my place in life as a young, educated, urban professional, I'm pretty slow to jump on the newest bandwagon. Cell phones? Didn't get one until I graduated college. IPods? Just got mine. After a million other Americans. Blogs? Well, this one has been going for close to six months now.

When it comes to the internet though, Google is my brand of choice, hands down. I couldn't even tell you the last time that I used another search engine. In the battle for this little man's mind, Yahoo and MSN are nothing but second-tier losers.

That's why Google's new foray into web portals is enticing. I just got a new computer, and I'll be damned if I don't need a new homepage. Apple.com, I'm sorry but you're just not cutting it for me. Now all I have to do is wait for the Beta version to be released publicly.

If you've got a little time and you get a kick out of seeing what else the great googs is up to, check out Google Labs where they let you test out their new ideas. Like Ridefinder to help you locate a taxi or supershuttle in real time. Or Google Local, which lets you search by geographic location. Ah fun with internet dorks.

End of a season, end of a career

OC ohmygod! The show finally returned to its roots of cramming an entire season's worth of drama into one hour. Old faces returning; rehab for Kiki; drug deals and gunplay; Ryan facing the demons of his past before Marissa shoots Tre! Are you kidding? Yeah, I feel ridiculous, but who cares, its not like I have the energy for anything else on Thursday night.

And Reggie Miller. I'd say that I was sorry to see you lose your last game, but then I would be lying. You were one of the best foils in the NBA. So easy to hate, and yet could never carry your team to victory. I'm sure some paid sports writers will have more elegant eulogies in the morning, and I will post some links when I find them.

Metro Moron

How dumb do you have to be to stick your head between closing Metro doors? Not your arm or your leg. And certainly not the rest of your body. Just your head. And your neck. Then you get all pissy when the door shuts with your head inside the train and your body and bag, not. Really, how stupid are you?

Personally, I wanted the train to pull out of the station and drag this fucking moron along to the next station. Luckily for her (yeah, I bet you thought that it was a guy), the conductor was more merciful. Sometimes an example has to be made, for the betterment of humanity.

Keep telling yourself "Increase and diffusion. Increase and diffusion"

Mark this one down under "we have a lot of things here that your office doesn't."

While walking down the hall in a storage area, the guy ahead of me says "And here are all the human remains."

This hall stretches on for an uncomfortably long distance. On the right is an office with a complete skelton laid out on a table. Above the drawers of bones are many, many busts. Today was a day of being creeped out.

I hope that whoever checked out this blog after searching for "bird genitals" got what they were looking for. I don't know how I am the #2 ranked site for the aforementioned "bird genitals," but I really wonder what Sean Hannity did to get the #1 spot.

http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=bird%20genitals&btnG=Search&meta

Debating the Details, Missing the Big Picture

Yesterday, I was talking with a co-worker about a recent New Yorker article about the confluence of crystal meth and HIV in gay men. (I really suggest that you make the time and read the article. Just be forewarned that reading about how crystal meth fuels the spread of HIV might just ruin your day.) Maybe a little heavy for casual office chatter, but it was hump day, all bets are off. The article pieces together a whole string of anecdotes and facts, but the most interesting observation came near the end, when a researcher started talking about how wide-spread depression among gay-men feeds into the destructive meth-sex cycle:

"This suggests that substance abuse is a thread in a larger tapestry," Stall told me. "And one shouldn't forget that crystal methamphetamine also acts"at first"as an antidepressant. People talk about 'Will and Grace' and how accepting America is now of homosexuality. That is simply not true. America has come a country mile, I agree. Still, in the state I just left, Georgia, where the C.D.C. has its headquarters, almost four out of every five adults recently voted to deny gay men and lesbians the right to even have a civil marriage. We have an awful lot more work to do."

In some ways, its a no brainer: feeling depressed about life, take a drug that wipes away any sort of bad feelings or inhibitions, have a weekend of casual sex, wake up feeling even more depressed on Monday morning. Maybe with a new STD. But really, how often do we as a society get caught up in the little things, and miss the big picture rolling by?

Look at today's headlines. We're talking about filibusters, sex-ed, and Star Wars. Do any of these things really impact society as a whole? I mean, do filibusters solve the government's coming fiscal crisis? or feed the starving? Does having sex-ed banished from class rooms really matter when many American kids barely have the basic skills needed to function in modern society? And Star Wars? WTF guys, people around the world hate America because they see us as morally and culturally corrupt, and this is the best that we can come up with?

After the November elections, I was too depressed to read the papers. I figured that if I didn't know about all the crappy things that were happening, I would be better off. Quite frankly, I didn't miss much that affected my daily life. Maybe I should go back to ignoring the press. Most of the rest of America does. I can always get the things that matter from the blogosphere.

Battle to the Death: da White House Press Hard-Correspondents vs. Scott "Fascist Mouthpiece" McClellan

Ooooh, shits gettin' snappy in that cozy briefing room. If you enjoy witty repartee (read: hypercritical commentary with stunningly vapid responses), yesterday's White House Press "Beefing" is a must.

Highlights include:
Q Scott, you said that the retraction by Newsweek magazine of its story is a good first step. What else does the President want this American magazine to do?
MR. McCLELLAN: Blah, blah, blah, blah...we would encourage Newsweek to do all that they can to help repair the damage that has been done, particularly in the region. And I think Newsweek can do that by talking about the way they got this wrong, and pointing out what the policies and practices of the United States military are when it comes to the handling of the Holy Koran. The military put in place policies and procedures to make sure that the Koran was handled -- or is handled with the utmost care and respect. And I think it would help to point that out, because some have taken this report -- those that are opposed to the United States -- some have taken this report and exploited it and used it to incite violence.
Q With respect, who made you the editor of Newsweek? Do you think it's appropriate for you, at that podium, speaking with the authority of the President of the United States, to tell an American magazine what they should print? (Hold on, Bush isn't in charge of Newsweek?)
MR. McCLELLAN: I'm not telling them. I'm saying that we would encourage them to help -- (Abort, abort!)
Q You're pressuring them. (smelling blood)

Q Let me follow up on that. What -- you said that -- what specifically are you asking Newsweek to do? I mean, to follow up on Terry's question, are you saying they should write a story? Are you going that far? How else can Newsweek, you know, satisfy you here?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, as I said, we would encourage them to continue working diligently to help repair the damage that has been done because of this --
Q Are you asking them to write a story?
MR. McCLELLAN: -- talking points, talking points, no relevance to the question
Q Are you asking them to write a story about how great the American military is; is that what you're saying here?
MR. McCLELLAN: Elisabeth, let me finish my sentence. Our military --
Q You've already said what you're -- I know what -- how it ends. (Oh shit! No she did not just call him on his crap!)
MR. McCLELLAN: Avoidance, avoidance, blah, blah, blah...we would encourage them to take steps to help repair the damage. And I think that they recognize the importance of doing that. That's all I'm saying. (I'm sorry, I had trouble following you on that one Scott. Are you asking Newsweek to sacrifice their journalistic integrity, or not?)

Q In context of the Newsweek situation, I think we hear the caution you're giving us about reporting things based on a single anonymous source. What, then, are we supposed to do with information that this White House gives us under the conditions that it comes from a single anonymous source?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, in terms of background briefings, if that's what you're asking about, which I assume it is, let me point out that what I'm talking about there are officials who are helping to provide context to on-the-record comments made by people like the President or the Secretary of State or others. I don't think that that is the issue here when it comes to the use or widespread use of anonymous sources by the media.So I think we need to talk about the larger issue here when we talk about it.
Q With all due respect, though, it sounds like you're saying your single anonymous sources are okay and everyone else's aren't. (The White House wants there to be a double standard? No way dude!)

All in all, the days tally was McClellan: 4 Press: 7. Not too shabby for a bunch of correspondence who are more broken in than my 6 year old mattress.

...the sound of minority rights being trampled

Here's thescript for the 'nuclear option'. My favorite thing is how they already know how this will all turn out. Politics with out the drama, why bother?

But, seriously, the best thing is how the Senate parliamentarian, you know the guy "who typically rules on what is allowable under the chamber's rules and precedents." is opposed to the fascist plan.

No worries though, a senior Republican Senate aide confirmed that Frist does not plan to consult Frumin at the time the nuclear option is deployed. "He has nothing to do with this," the aide said. "He's a staffer, and we don't have to ask his opinion." No shit? Why even bother having his useless ass on the payroll? Oh that's right, you'd be happy to consult him if you weren't ruthlessly gutting the most staid of American institutions.

Well, I'm going to start learning my Ave Maria's. 'Cause once the filibuster gets tossed out, it won't be too much longer before the nut-jobs make church attendance mandatory for all Americans.

I can't help myself.

Itunes is like crack. For two weeks now, I have been in an Apple-induced frenzy of uploaded music. On Sunday night, with the first wave of importing complete, I have started rating songs. It makes me feel good, it makes me feel bad. It really makes me feel like some sort of fucking addict. Its like I can't stop. I don't even think that I listened to an entire song yesterday. I'd listen long enough to put up a rating and then skip to the next song. This shit has got to stop. The reason I got the iPod was to listen to more music, and now I'm turning into a tech-junkie. At least I'll soon be able to listen to all of my 5-star songs. Sweet.

Fun with Fonts

Yes, they are everywhere, but really, do fonts get the credit that they deserve? Well, no, probably not. At least the NYT is on top of the ball on this one. "Fonts are like the air: you don't notice them when they are fine, only when they are mucked up or obscure." But then, of course, they don't make any attempt to tell the reader what might make a font "mucked up" or "obscure." I guess that if you read the Times, you would know a quality font when you saw it. The article then meanders its way through a couple more little tidbits before mercifully ending. Of course, if the article was anything more than a number of tangentially related musings, some critical thought could actually be applied to the vast underworld of fonts and typography.

If you want to learn more you can try this book out for starters.

PS-The best part of the article is right at the end, when the author refers to a typeface as a "piece of graffito." That's right, she went to her dictionary to find out what the singular form of graffiti is. I applaud you, New York Times, for all of your elitist touches. The use of words like "graffito" is why the circulation numbers of the USA Today, aka the more dumbed-down paper in the world, spanks you every morning.

Columbia Heights Journal

You know that gentrification is not complete when:

1. You get excited to discover where the guy who walks past your house and wakes you up every morning with his Tourettes-esque shouting lives. (13th and Harvard)

2. You drive the minivan around the block to find a legal parking space and the crazy woman with her brown-bagged can becomes amazed at your "magic."

Crazy: How'd ya do dat?
DCaf: What?
C: Pull up in that minivan? I saw you get in your truck, and now you come 'round the corner in dat thing. Its the same color, but your truck looked liked dat one. (Points to a beat up pick-up)
DCaf: Umm, sorry, same van.
C: Don't try pullin' my leg child. I know what I saw. That's a nice trick. (Takes a big pull from the bag and saunters down the street)

3. You bring a bottle of tequila over to a friends house and get accosted by a woman who really wants a drink. She tells you its her birthday and asks if you want to celebrate with her. Then she gives your balls a little rub before walking off, saying "Next time honey, next time."

Missing, Metro Train

Where does a train go missing on the tracks? One moment, its 2 minutes away, the next gone. The next train doesn't show for another 6 minutes. How the fuck does a train just wander off the tracks? Thanks Metro, thanks.

Monday Afternoon: Clean Teeth Edition

Nothing quite like a dentist's appointment to start off the week. But after a good weekend of eating and cleaning, who cares.

1. President Bush and Dick "the Cockmaster" Cheney released their annual financial disclosure papers, and surprise, surprise, after 4 years of Federal employment, they are both still stinking rich. So much so that Dick was able to shell out $595 for a desk clock for King George, and in return got a $425 globe.

2. The Supreme Court has decided that you can now buy your wine directly from the vintner, over the internet. States' rights be damned!

3. Poetry gone wild. Accusations of fraud fly across the internet! Were the contests rigged? The Chronicle of Higher Education reports. You decide.

Sorry, I think that the fluoride has gone to my brain.

Dead Friday

I need to get used to this digital era that I have just plunged into.

Everyone else is the cube farm is on retreat, and I've been sitting around my abandoned office all day in silence, typing away at my desk. Now that my brain has kicked in, I've plugged into the pod and at least have some tunes to keep me sane.

I own a lot of crap.

I started the move-prep by sorting through my accumulated wardrobe last night . Its kind of amazing going through and seeing all of the clothing that I have somehow accumulated over the past couple years that I never wear. Those olive wool pants? Tossed. That souvenir t-shirt that someone gave me at that Boston meeting? Trashed. The three piece polyester leisure suit from the '70's party? Goodbye.

But what about that 3rd white Oxford? The heavy crew-neck sweater? Those nice slacks that I never wear? Well, those can all find a home at my parents house, "for when I come back for the holidays."

Then you get down to the nitty-gritty. Space down to Austin is limited in the Echo of love, and tough decisions have to be made. How many t-shirts do I really need? Long pants in a place where the average coldest month is still 50 degrees? Will I even need suits or a blazer as a grad student?

I think that I could fit all of my clothes into two good-sized duffel bags. This is nothing compared to the giffer, but still...

Moving date is T-minus 18 days. Next: how drunk was I when I bought that third cheese platter?

Because my friends are meaner than yours.

At first I was a little disturbed by this. That's right, the Washingtonian brought on a 13 year-old genius for an online chat. How cute. To have Wyatt and Boo prod her with questions that force her to face the challenges of life, is just wrong. But then I thought about it some more, and if she is going to do an internet chat, she's either not a smart as she thinks or else has some huge fucking cahones.

Boo gets the award for the cruelest question:
3:05 PM Washington, DC: you've been talking your book up, but no one has
read it. what if it bombs and popular culture doesn't accept it? how will that
affect you?

All that being said, she did a pretty good job at giving useless inane answers to all of these questions. So maybe she isn't so dumb.

Welcome to the Shit Show.

Thank god I had "important" business yesterday morning and wasn't on the Mall to witness the evacuation fiasco. At least the oh-so holy national leaders we have showed their true colors, pissing their pants all the way to their SUV motorcades. Someday, we'll have to return to leading semi-normal live, but until then, we'll have to be afraid of everything.

Anyone have good pictures of the tourists and Hill-rats fleeing for their lives with that fear of God look on their faces?

Burning Questions, Morning Edition

1. When do you become too old to drink from plastic cups on a regular basis? I'm not talking about Solo cups here, just regular-sized, plastic souvenir cups. I guess what I'm really asking is whether this is a generational phenomenon in which our parents never drank out of plastic cups because when they were young plastic hadn't been invented yet; a stage in life in which I will grow out of as I age; or is this a class issue that was never touched upon in my urban middle-class world?

On a related note, do you buy matching sets of silverware before or after you buy matching glassware?

2. Why is bird crap white? Britt, I'm really looking to you on this one, but I didn't want to clutter your email.

3. One of the young neighbors works for a certain evil place I like to call the Heritage Foundation. I know, repulsive. The other day I saw her and she was wearing what could only be called a sailor's outfit, navy blue top and skirt with garish white piping. Could conservative think-tanks require their employees to wear such ridiculous outfits or is this just a case of a Midwestern girl gone horribly astray?

Weezer's Make Believe

Reading some of the reviews, I'm a little concerned. Sure Pitchfork can be hit or miss, but seriously, read this:

So does Make Believe completely ruin not just present-day Weezer, but
retroactively, any enjoyment to be had from their earlier work? I don't know-- I'm too scared to re-listen to those first two albums-- but it certainly appears that Make Believe will expertly extract the last remaining good graces the critical community has to offer latter-day Weezer, unless my colleagues' memories of slow-dancing with Ashley to "Say It Ain't So" are more powerful than I can possibly imagine. Of course, if Ashley went on to break your heart, fellow
critic, Make Believe might be just the medicine you need; put it on repeat and watch your emotional scar be obliterated as collateral damage in the torpedoing of Weezer's legacy.

I think that I will have to head down to Olsson's and listen to this one on the courtesy headphones before I drop the dime.

And all of this reminds me that I need to stick Pinkerton on my iPod. At least something good will come of all this.

At least Arianna's got one thing going on her "blog"

Larry David. What more do you have to say. The man is a comic genius.

Why I Support John Bolton
I know this may not sound politically correct, but as someone who has abused and tormented employees and underlings for years, I am dismayed by all of this yammering directed at John Bolton. Let's face it, the people who are screaming the loudest at Bolton have never been a boss and have no idea what it’s like to deal with nitwits as dumb as themselves all day long. Why, even this morning my moronic assistant handed me a cup of coffee with way too much milk in it. I was incensed.

"You stupid ignoramus," I screamed, doing all I could to restrain myself from tossing the luke-warm liquid in her face. “There's too much freaking (I didn’t say freaking) milk in here! What the freak is wrong with you?!”

“I’m sorry, sir,” she stammered. Like sorry’s going to fix everything. I’m not interested in sorry. Sorry doesn’t cut it with me.

“Look, you idiot,” I continued, “I wouldn’t mind so much if you gave me too little milk. Little can be fixed. We can add to little.”

“Shall I get you another cup?”

“No, I’ll suck on my thumb. Yes, get me another cup, you douche bag! And chew on this -- it’s going to cost you a dollar!”

This, of course, brought on the requisite tears. At which point I'd had enough and began chasing her down the hall where she took refuge in the bathroom. Boo-hoo. Poor thing!

Meanwhile, I’m the one who had to go into the kitchen and make my own coffee! And guess what? I missed a very important phone call from this masseuse whom I’d been trying to get an appointment with forever!!

(Sorry about all the exclamation points, but you can see how worked up I get over this Bolton business!)

There is one thing, though, I’ll guarantee: that will be the last time she puts in too much milk. So get to work, Bolton. Show these other countries who’s the boss.

For those of you interested in the history of your carry out...

Slate provides non-stop action with A Short History of the Chinese Restaurant - From stir-fried buffalo to Matzoh Foo Young. By Jen Gish. The real kicker in all of this is that there are currently three times as many Chinese food restaurants than McDo's in the US of a.

Where do I eat more often? Well, I've never tried the Yum's II that is just down the hill, but I do order from City Lights and Mr. Chen's Organic Chinese Cuisine every once in a while. I have not eaten under the evil arches in many, many moons. (Could it be three or four years? Crap, what kind of fat Amur'can am I?) I guess that the Chinese food is winning the War on Digestive Terror.

News Flash

The New York Times has determined that blogs aren't making anyone disgustingly wealthy. They suggest that if you have the spare capital, that you not invest it in a blog to make money. Other than that, its an interesting piece about the formation and function of the Gawker Media Empire.

Out of Shape Weekend

1. In case you missed it, the Wizards won their first playoff series in 23 years. Yes, I was alive for it, but sometimes memories from when you were two years-old don't quite make an impact. I am very much looking forward to getting destroyed by Miami. I will hold out faith that we can steal one game at home, but any way the chips fall, I will be a happy fan.

2. My WAFC spring league team had it's tournament this weekend, that's ultimate, not softball or kickball. We didn't show up to play, but after four games and six hours of running, I now know what its like to have every muscle in my body ache. When did I get so out of shape? Well, it might have been sometime during the past two years, when I turned into a fucking slug. I'm really going to have to start running. As soon as I can walk up stairs again.

3. Went to the 'illadelph for Mother's Day. Had brunch with the GF's extended family before cruising back to DC for dinner with the folks. Good food, good laughs, good ideas which of the future in-laws won't be invited to the wedding ceremony.

4. Studied my ass off for my Art History final. What's that you say? Fletch, I didn't know that you were a student? Well, I am. Sort of. I am taking a class at a little place that we always referred to as Princeton on the Pike. That's right, the MK. Luckily, I seem to be rolling my way onto a second straight Dean's List, but I won't know for sure until after tonight. I hope that Texas is as forgiving with their grades.

5. Woke up this morning to the sound of one of my housemates just beating me into the shower. That's cool, we never have any problems, I'll just go make my lunch. Not done yet? I'll knock on the door to let her know that I'm waiting. Cool. I'll just pull out my clothes and get the rest of my shit ready. And wait. And wait. And wait.

What kind of retarded housemate takes a fuckin' half-hour in the shower in the morning? Apparently my cooler-than-thou hipster housemate, because I saw all my other housemates take off rather than wait in line. Thank god I'm moving out in three weeks. Otherwise I might have to explain to this housemate why I am no longer speaking to her. As it is, she probably won't notice.

Morning Hang-over Edition

1. The OC still packs in the drama (Tre and Marissa, Seth at Spring Break, Kiki and the bottle...). Guilty pleasure made even better by...

2. Strong margaritas. These puppies from DCist will hit you like several shots of tequila. The good news is that it is now 10:30 the next morning and I have yet to boot. The bad news is that I'm not sure that's going to last.

3. Despite my best efforts to drink myself into an unmoving stupor by the time that the OC ended, I managed to stumble the two blocks to Chief Ike's for the DCist/Bluestate Cinco de Mayo festivities. We got there in time to catch sets from Information Leafblower and DCSOB, but I think that I arrived too late to catch most of the DCist crew. At least it was too late for me to recognize them. I think that I did manage to compliment DCSOB on his Kathleen Shafer shirt, and thank/paw Information Leafblower for his set right before I left. If my head wasn't spinning, I may have even told him the I like his blog. Ah well, maybe next year.

Yes, this is a sign of the Apocalypse

Golden Palace Casino, which is home to the sandwich that looks like the Virgin Mary and bought the naming rights to a baby (which they promptly named "GoldenPalace.com") has bought Britney Spears' alleged pregnancy test.

I now fear for the future generations. Although strangely, I would visit the odd objects, if they came on tour to DC.

A Look for Life

Last night at an office happy hour at the Banana Cafe down there in Capitol Hill, I had the treat of being regaled with a slightly drunken story of how one of my co-workers had once sported a monocle. Yes, a monocle. She was 8. Apparently, she has terrible vision in one eye, and so she got this idea in her head that she would prance around with a monocle. Of course her mother refused. When Christmas time rolled around, all the 8 year-old wanted was a bike and a monocle. She got the bike. Then her crazy uncle gave her a monocle. Then she rode her bike while wearing the monocle.

In some ways I am really going to miss this place.

Cardiac Kids and iPod Ramblings

Was anyone else a blubbering mess by the end of the Wizards game last night? The entire second half, you could see the collapse building, as the Baby Bulls worked away at our friggin' 24-point lead. Then Gilbert Arenas' last second floater...

Man, oh man, you've gotta love 'em, but you've got to hate them too. Still, my neck feels like its been in a vise.

Luckily after the game, I got to unwind with my new toys. I can definitely see how people get sucked into the Apple cult. I experienced my first commute as a pod-person this morning and let me tell you...it took me 15 minutes to figure out how to turn the volume up, but after that it was golden.

The real question that is going to plague me, is how the hell to people decide what to put on their iPods (I'm talking a 30GB here)? Do I just put on everything but the crap that I definitely don't listen to anymore? Do I weed out everything except for what I am really grooving to these days? Yeah, 30GB is a lot of space, but how much of it should be filled with the Pietasters and Face to Face? Am I really going to stick on the entire Bob Marley Catalogue? These are the questions that will haunt my mind.

The man says lemons, and lemons it is.

DCist, as always, has read my mind. That's right, Scott has provided us with what appears to be the perfect margarita recipe. Is it really? I don't know, I haven't tried it yet. But I've met Scott, and he doesn't seem like the type of guy that lies too often to strangers.

Ingredients:
Lemons, 1-2 per cocktail
Limes, 1 per 8 cocktails
Kosher Salt
Tequila
Triple Sec
Ice

Proportions:
Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice : 1.5
Tequila : 1.25
Triple Sec : 1.0

Estimated glasses until I am tanked:
5


That being said, maybe I'll swing by the DCist Cinco de Mayo Happy Hour at Chief Ike's after a few pitchers of margaritas and a double-header of the OC.


Note to readers: I have not seen the OC in many moons, but it is a guilty pleasure that keeps me away from any sort of reality TV. That and Thursday night is my last chance to see Jake before his whirlwind tour of Central Europe and Central Connecticut.

Because the NY Times is on fire today

Stephen Colbert to get the first Daily Show spin-off. Promoted as satirizing cable pundit programs such as DildO'Reilly and Sean Hannity, Colbert is going to get his own half-hour show immediately following the Daily Show.

and

New Yorkers have trouble using the pisser because they are so self-absorbed. In further news, they also try to crap as much as possible in restaurant toilets, and then feel guilty when the toilet doesn't flush their turds away.

Loews to publish actual showtimes for movies.

Not really, but a disclaimer will note that the movie will actually start 10 to 15 minutes later. So if you're tired of sitting through those horrendously long Coke commercials, now you can accurately schedule your moviegoing experience.

The funniest part of this article is that bills requiring the real starting times in the paper listings have been brought up in both Connecticut and NYC. Screw poverty, let's legislate the important stuff!

I am like a pig in shit!

Actually, I'm more like a guy who has a new iBook and iPod waiting for him at home. Same difference right?

I was never very good with metaphors and technically, this one was a simile.

Newspapers and Lifestyles

I've already linked it today, but in case you missed it Newspaper circulation continues to decline. Is this surprising? No, quite frankly, its not, but it is troublesome. As fewer and fewer people purchase the major dailies, the news bureaus clearly will be losing money, and hence their ability to report effectively on the news.

But I'm no expert in the economics of the print media. So instead, I'll ponder why circulation is declining.

Lifestyle/Generational

First and foremost, there has been a lifestyle shift. My father wakes up every morning and goes through his morning routine, which involves sitting to eat breakfast and read the paper. I know of no one of my generation (the all important 18-34 year old demographic) who does this. I don't know people who eat breakfast at home in this go-go world of ours. If its not Starbucks or McD's, then it ain't being touched before lunch time. This fact alone explains why home delivery is unpopular with younger workers.

Technology

On the commute, half the riders on my metro are plugged into their iPods listening to music, rather than reading even the free Express. Once I'm at work, am I really going to pull out a newspaper at my desk? I mean, if I had an office with a door, maybe, but in the cube farm? If it ain't on my computer screen I'm not reading it.

Internet

Yes, free news content on the internet does impact subscription numbers, but come on, do you really get as much news on the internet as you would from reading the paper cover to cover? I certainly don't. Furthermore, e-books and even audio-books haven't impacted the sales of books in the same fashion as critics of free internet news have claimed for newspapers.

Television

And yes, more people are getting their news from CNN and *gasp* Fox News, but even the numbers for broadcast news are dropping. In the evening, people don't want to read news that is almost a day old, when they can just zone out in front of their jumbotron flat screen and watch Brit Hume make an ass of himself.

What would get me back?

I am probably never going to subscribe to daily delivery. I just don't make the time before work/on the commute to read the paper. By the time I get home, its old news already and I can watch TV.

Even if the major players started charging for web content?

I most likely would not pay for content. Personally, I think that it is wrong to pay for something that is taking time away from the job that is paying me to do other things. Too many ethical lines are being crossed there for me.

Interestingly enough, I could see myself reading an evening paper when I got home from work like the Evening Star or the SF Examiner. I for one would prefer to read a copy of the Post when I got home (provided that it had that current day's copy and was of a comparable quality to the WaPo), rather than tune into CNN. But maybe that's just me.

In the end, newspapers may simply be turning into a relic of a past era that is being replaced by newer and more relevant technologies. God, I hope not. I for one hate to rely on anything as dumbed down as television or unfiltered (as in edited by someone who knows what they are talking about) as the internet.

DC voting rights are up for debate

Apparently the NIMBY representative from the VA has decided that maybe DC residents are American citizens too. Of course, he giving the crazy Mormons another vote in the House also, but after more than 200 years, you take what you can get.

Hopefully, racism and partisan politics won't torpedo this bill, like every other attempt to rectify the gross injustice that is DC's Congressional Representation. I for one am not going to hold my breath. Besides, only four more months until I start my journey to become a citizen of Texas. Representation and no income tax! Who knew life could be so good?

Maybe I should start subscribing to the Sunday Times

I know that people like me are the reason for declining subscription rates, but trashy articles will, like, totally make me reconsider. From Fishbowl NY:

"Just when you thought they couldn't top naked man-swimming, the New York Times Sunday Styles section goes and parades cheap homemade porn as a new hot hipster trend.
The setup couldn't be easier for a punchline here, but even our middling comedic efforts deserve better fodder than this. Oh, fine, how about: "So far more than 100 women from 18 to 25 have appeared on the Web site."
Is it too late for me to change my headline? "The NYT: Directing thousands of readers to pictures of naked 18-year olds."
Meanwhile, not even Jenny 8. is wishing she wrote this.
Wearing Nothing but Attitude [NYT]"


I hope that I never have to come home to find that my living room has been rented out to C-Heights hipsters. Especially just after I mopped the floor.

DCFUD, making a list, checking it twice

I may not agree 100% with all of their picks on the restaurants, but they get it close enough to get a link with no bitching.

DCFUD Rates DC.

Parenthetical Monday Edition (also "the Sports Page")

Well, it was a busy fucking weekend in this fair city of ours.

1. Friday night under the lights at "the Bobby."

Who calls RFK "the Bobby"? I don't know, but I do know that on Friday night the Nats beat those evil Mets. It still feels very sweet to actually watch the "home" team in front of a home crowd. (WaPo reports that the Nats rank 13th in attendance, and the announced attendance for Friday was over 30,000. However, there were an awful lot of empty seats for a stadium that was supposedly at 2/3 capacity.)

2. Last time it happened, I was 7. And they were the Bullets. And it was at the Cap Center.

I was on hand to witness the Wizards win their first playoff game in 17 years! The crowd was really into it, and the game was exciting to the end. Well, as long as you like seeing the Wiz win their first playoff game in 17 years, it was exciting to the end. (And yes, I got to see all of the action. Being in the very last row at the MCI Center is not as bad as you might think. And for $15 I'll be back there for Game 6. Although maybe not as many $7 Miller Lites.)

3. Red Sage Cafe after the game.

Ummm, maybe would have been better if I'd had fewer of the aforementioned Miller Lites, but I don't think so. Food was OK, but overpriced. Margaritas were better, but even more overpriced ($32 a pitcher. We definitely did not need the second pitcher.). (I will not be returning here in the next eight weeks. I suggest that you don't either, unless you're up for dropping the dough to eat downstairs at the "grill.")

4. Hipsters are just like you and me, only they really want to talk about how cool they are.

I was talked into agreeing to a party at my (group) house this weekend. Good idea, except I had other shit to do, rather than clean and prepare the house to my hipster housemates specification. (I won the bad housemate award for the first half of the weekend.) When I did finally show up, I was glad that the girl at the door didn't press me for the entry fee they were charging (oh, did I mention that they were charging to enter the house and drink keg beer? Where are we? High school?) to raise money for a hipster fashion group. Then I got to talk with hipsters. Who really like talking about themselves. But I did discover two things: 1. This party was really like every other party in DC where the first question is "What do you do?," followed closely by "Where did you go to school?" (if the cross-examiner thinks that they can impress you with their institution of higher learning.) Sweet. 2. I don't have to listen to hipsters drivel on about how cool their non-profit job is and how they are saving the world from corporate greed (you're a program assistant, get over yourself) because I stun the hipsters with the fact that my job actually is interesting and different. Score one for me. (oh, and when hipsters attend your party, they leave the house a filthy wreck just like everyone else. But they also leave their kegs and their turntables. If these are not gone by the time I get home from class tonight, check craigslist for some cheap shit.)

4. Preparing for a party is a lot more fun than cleaning up afterwards.

Now, I didn't help set up at all. Do I feel bad? A little, but frankly, none of my friends attended (because of the cover charge) and I was only there so that I could keep one of my other housemates sane. But in the morning (actually from 1-6 in the afternoon), were the party planners around? Nope. Sweet, I got to mop the floors and move the furniture back into place by myself! This is why I love you guys! Well, after a hard fought struggle, you guys won the bad housemate award by unanimous decision. (Of course, you probably won't even notice that the house was cleaned due to your appointment with further self-involvement. On the positive side, I now feel completely free from any sort of house-responsibilities until I move out next month.)